Parent as victim

Any parent of a child with disabilities can attest to feeling as thought they are somehow looked upon as some sort of victim. Maybe family members or coworkers or well meaning "too bads" from friends has made them feel as though they are now part of life's losers.

I don't have to remember back too far to know how it felt. Not that I ever felt like a loser or victim, but that I was viewed as one.

When I really think about the circumstances surrounding the expansion of a family by the welcoming of a child with a disability I can never think victim.

Vic'tim (vik'tim) n. 1, one who suffers from a harmful agency. 2, one who is cheated or duped.

Will, by any stretch of the imagination, cannot be considered a "harmful agency". "Cheated" or "duped" implies that I was outwitted. I was willing to face the unknown, immune from being outwitted.

In my instance, I did not know Will was going to have DS. There are many out there, like me, who did not know. I will assume they were the parents that chose not to have prenatal testing, like myself. By the action of not wanting to know they (we) are standing up to fear. Fear is mostly of the unknown and maybe that is a realization we share, that whatever comes our way, we are ready to stand and deliver. We know we will not shrink from what we must face, but instead show courage and fortitude. How can anyone ever think we are victims when we are the fearless victors? Rising above our fears and uncertainties to discover that the courage we needed in the beginning was a reflection of our character, or at least something we were willing to experience as a means of exposing what we were really made of .

The same can be said for the parents who did know, and also stood tall and relied on their inner strength to face fear. Who, regardless of the pressure they experienced, remained firm, and were brave.

Once while reading from Franklin Goes to the Hospital to my older kids, I came across a quote by Dr. Beaver. She tells Franklin "...just because your afraid doesn't mean you aren't brave. Being brave means doing what you have to do, no matter how scared you feel."

That has stuck with me and now I can see that it applies to everyone, not just kids. In spite of society's effort to reduce the numbers of parents it deems as victims, Parents are being :

Brave (brav) adj. 1,courageous. 2, splendid; handsome. --face with courage; defy.

So, along with the push to eliminate children deemed imperfect, society is also losing adults that are the kind of folk that inspire and mentor, that are examples of what it means to have character. We are the heros in today's world, not because of what we have done, but because of what we are willing to do.

Thinking it through, it is those who give up, give in and are unwilling to have strong shoulders who are life's victims. They are duped by manipulative talks by ill advised medical doctors and their harmful agencies.

In the end, the fearlessness only had to be temporary, the unknown became understanding and I was rewarded, like the heroine of a movie, with the happy ending.

This life changing experience has given me strength, understanding, courage. How much better am I now equipped in this world.

I am no victim. I am the victor, and to me, go the spoils.